Dear Taylor and Tory,
First of all, I’m not angry with you. I love you both.
I don’t hold any grudges, animosity, or negative feelings about either of you. I believe, after much reading and therapy on the subject, that you were victims of parental alienation. You were raised in the perfect climate for this to happen:
- Deeply enmeshed family (good article on enmeshment)
- Narcissistic step-dad
- Vindictive mother & grandmother
No one in your “family” stepped up to stop this, and the warning signs of this happening came with a lot of mixed messages that I underestimated. It became abundantly clear in January, 2014 when Tory texted me with several accusations that were just not true. It was clear that you had been lied to, especially on these two points:
“You owe us thousands of dollars in child support”
UNTRUE: I actually “overpaid” child support over the years. I was only obligated to pay your mom until you turned 19 years of age. I paid for Taylor until Tory turned 19 (2 years more), and then I met with you both to discuss supporting you through college.
As for the “years of non-payment”, I actually went to the child support division offices downtown and had them retrieve my payment records and print them out so I could substantiate my claim. They did, and you can download my 19 year payment history and see for yourself. (click here
It’s a classic move for an alienating parent to blame their financial problems on the target parent.
“You took us to court so that you wouldn’t have to see us”
UNTRUE: Actually, I took your mom to court in order to “reinstate” our every other weekend visitation. On May 29, 2009, I filed to reinstate the visitation schedule we had enjoyed for years. Your mom (with support of her husband and mother) decided to interfere with that, and as a result, you mom was ordered in contempt of court and had to pay my legal fees on July 13, 2009:
Alienating parents will limit your contact with the other family, deceive you on my feelings, and try to erase the target parent completely from your life.
You have an entire family that misses you two every day. Your brother is marrying Erin this October in Noblesville. Stef and Eric are expecting their third child next year, and we’re blessed with grand baby Thatcher (born May 19, 2017) and Ethan. Cameron and his girlfriend Caila had a little boy, Findlay (“Fin”), earlier this year.We often talk about our Hilton Head vacations together, trips to Chicago over the holidays, and horsing around the house as a family. Just know that we all love and miss you and hope that someday we can reconnect.